I cannot remember the moment I decided to write my first poem just as I don't recall my first lines of fiction. I do know that both of these art forms came out of pain and a desperation to express it.
In a short time this venture into poetry has been a profound journey. Scared of what I was writing I created anonymous social media accounts. I had the courage to post on my named account sparingly but continually returned to the safety of anonminity.
As an author it made sense to publish my poetry under my name to build on my previous works, however, the anxiety was overwhelming. Many days throughout the week I would partake in letting my fears get the best of me and allow my weaknesses to dictate.
On those rare days of calm I had the strength to persuade myself that I had something to say, to share with others, that all these years of suffering with depression could be put to good use. I decided I would put these poems, which had gradually piled up, into a collection that I could publish.
I still go back and forth, being determined to put out this collection one moment to walking away from writing altogether the next. Only time will tell what will come to fruition. I have no expectations and have detached myself from outcome. As of now writing poetry is supporting me through my time of need, and of course I will continue to write fiction for as long as I am able.